A NEW MOTTO

That's what it is. A new motto. It's a good one too. Every time I read it I am inspired. I saw it first on the wall of the gym on the Biggest Loser television show (I know, I know. I obsess about that show). But I read it on the show and I have tried to keep it in my mind. It slips away far too easy. So, I printed out a bunch of signs and hung them all over the place in my world. A reminder. And so far, it's been good. Although so far, its only been a day. lol.

I am struggling, and I am sure you know. I just can't get myself where I was. I want it bad, but apparently something in my psyche doesn't want it bad enough. I still have Valentine's Day as my goal, but I am having a hard time.

I got back on the ice last week. That was wonderful! I love, love, love skating. And my muscles hurt the next day. So I have to get back and keep doing that. I was hoping to get in a little more walking outside before jump starting the winter activities. The weather here in God's country has been totally uncooperative. Rain, rain and more rain Then there was a little snow. And more rain. So that plan may or may not pan out -- we shall see.

So that's what I have for you today. It's up and down and up and down. A lot like my moods these days I'm afraid. Victory on my journey definitely fosters a cheery disposition! Anyway, I going to get up every day and try again. Try until I do what this sign says. I promised you and I promised me. So there. I stayed off the scale after a weekend of indulgences. I have had a great day, so I will get back on again tomorrow. Not sure what I will see. The last number we had was 192, remember. Not pretty. So I will let you know.

Okay - you all have a great day. It's nice being back here. It feels like home. *smile*

AAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!

Yep. That was the sound that could be heard for miles this morning. The sound coming from my bathroom when I got on the scale. My weight, in spite of being on track and actually getting going again on my exercise, WENT UP! Two pounds!!! I seriously almost died.

Do I understand? No. Am I frustrated? Yes. I had to take a long, hard look at what I did this week, and I am certain that my weight should be going down. However, I am equally certain that stress plays a major role in what our bodies do with calories and weight loss. And since my week was extraordinarily stressful - the last 7 days actually - I have to believe that my body is dealing with it by hanging on for dear life to whatever calories I put in there. I'm not sure of the dynamics in all of this, but I guess I have read about it and heard about it enough to know that its true.

I don't intend to throw in the towel when I am motivated the way I am today. Every day that I wake up motivated is a good day. And I will take advantage of ANY advantage that comes my way in this battle. I intend to win it.

Thought I would mention too that I got a GREAT inspirational email from my brother today. He lost 60 pounds and has kept it off for 4 years. I'm not going to pass on the whole thing, but I will tell you two of the gems he sent me way. First, exercise genuinely IS the key to weight loss. And second, "it's just a number." Both of these will get me looking great and concentrating how I feel instead of how the scale makes me feel. And it tells me I have to get busier, busier, busier at the gym or elsewhere to burn those calories and build that muscle.

Okay. There is it for today. It's nice to be back. I'm busy for a couple of days, but I'll be back sooner than later. Until then, I will pray for you, and you pray for me? Okie dokie? Peace.

Git R Done

I see that phrase all over the place, and as "inspirational" as it may be for some people, it kinda drives me crazy. Not even sure why . . .

So I have had a decent week. I am not down any weight, but getting back into the groove is pretty exhausting. Funny how the same battles that I so quickly overcame last January crop up like they are brand new! Like exercise. Hahaha. DON"T love it, but at the same time I DO love it. I hate watching what I eat, but at the same time I love it.

I am inspired every single time I make a good choice. And the little choices are often the largest. For example, today I took a Hershey's kiss out of the adorable little spider candy dish sitting on my living room table (I really wanted to slide that dish info in somewhere :)). I had every intention of popping it into my mouth, when I suddenly thought about it. I dropped it right back in the dish. It may seem like a small, small victory, but it's not. The more times I say no, the more I practice disciplining myself, the better I become in making the right choices. After a while, it will be back to being the way I live instead of some deprivation for reward game.

And here's another interesting tidbit for you. I know you all know I'm big into prayer. So today I was doing just that. And I came across a genuinely moving paragraph in one of my prayer books. Thomas a Kempis said (and I'm paraphrasing) that there's is no glory in a crown that isn't hard won. The glory of success can only come when we overcome a great measure of adversity to achieve it. Now I know I've spoken of my journey as a battle before. But it was kinda fun seeing my sentiments in someone else's book of prose.

So, I'm going to keep praying for the strength to overcome temptation and make these choices my DESIRES instead of something negative. I'll pray for the courage to win the battle of the buldge. lol. It'll come. God is good.

I'm off . . . off to battle. God bless!

Capture the Moment

That's what I've been trying to do. Capture the moment, or momentS rather, of last winter. I have gone over and over my strategy of weight loss over the last 10 months and I am left with nothing but a big question mark. Until now.

A comment from one of my readers from my August 31 post had a lot of interesting points. Some of them pretty hard hitting. This person encouraged me to go back and read between the lines from my earlier blogs. Look for the answers in what I have already said. Between that and the latest round of Biggest Loser episodes, I have tried to take an honest look at what is happening to me. And here's what I got:

Unless I set very specific, concrete goals for myself, I lose the "reason" for saying no to food that's unhealthy. I lose the motivation for getting myself to the gym. And I realize I cannot make generalizations like "I want to lose weight," or "I just CAN'T gain it back." There needs to be a purpose behind saying no. A concrete reason for making better choices. Otherwise I will give in every time. Every time.

I think it's interesting to note that when I was blogging almost every day I became accountable to people who read my blog. Real or imagined - there was accountability. So here we go. My goals, my purpose, my reason to say no.

1. My goal is to reach 150 by Valentine's Day. That's totally realistic for me. It's about two pound per week. . . or just over. I am 192 pounds - right on the nose. There's 19 1/2 weeks until Valentine's Day. Completely do-able.

2. I have 796 miles to Vegas. I'm walking or running there by Valentine's Weekend. I have decide if that's the weekend I'll fly there -- but it's looking like a great plan. :)

3. I have to blog 4 times per week. At least. It starts today. So keep checking back.

4. 1200 calories a day. 1200.

For now, I am going to keep enjoying my coffee. I tried to be done with it because I was trying to get rid of any and all "addictions" in my life -- the exception being hockey. Hee hee. But maybe I need to hang on to one for a while. Coffee isn't the worst thing I could do for myself.

Alright folks. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. I will see you tomorrow. I'm off to the metro area for meetings. Long car rides are boring but it's not an option. Day one starts today. In the meantime, I hope YOU have a good day. I hope everything goes your way. Peace to you and yours today.

HOLY COW!!!!

I cannot beLIEVE it has been that long since the last time I was here. Good gravy! It's time to get a grip people! This is simply ridiculous!

You already know I had the summer from hell. I mean, my prayer life is pretty decent, so that's holy. But the food . . . it was all down hill from July 1st on. The really unusual thing for me is WHY. Why can't I get the mentality that I had last winter? Why can't I stay on track? Why do I start every day with the best of intentions and end up with a jelly donut in my mouth by noon? (Okay well not a jelly donut. I don't even like those. But you get the point.) lol.

I have gained 13 pounds since July 1. This morning I was 190 pounds. BOOOOOOO!!! And of course I started out with the great intention of starting all over again. Today. Again today. And I have at least 50 pounds to get rid of. So let's talk numbers. If I lose at a rate of 2 pounds per week, I will lose 50 pounds in 25 weeks. When is that? The last week in April. Okay WOW! Seriously. HOLY COW!!! I gotta get this party started or it's never going to happen. So pray for me. Pray pray pray pray pray. I started okay today. Even got in a run - 2 miles, and then I walked one. But I have to stay with it. I got rid of my bigger clothes, so it's not an option. Tomorrow is a new day and I will keep you posted. And it won't be in six weeks. I promise. Nighty night.

P.S. to Willy: Thanks for the call about the lack of a blog entry. It gave me a little push. I'll be in touch! Hope I see you soon! I really, really miss you. :)

One More Week

That's what I keep telling myself. One more week and my life gets back to a routine. I really love this time of year. I don't like seeing the summer end, but I love the autumn season. The Indian Summer days, the changing coloring of the leaves. All of the things that come with the fall. And I love getting back to a rhythm. The rhythm that comes from getting up at the same time every day, getting to bed a little earlier at night. Mornings that are centered around heading to the gym or the walking trail or the skating rink.

Oh by the way-- the ice goes back in at the rink this week and I can't WAIT to get in there and skate. Did I mention that I broke down and bought some hockey skates this summer? Getting around in those is going to be a hoot! I got them second-hand, for a great price, and they are in very good condition. In fact, I wish my body was in as good of a condition. Haha. Soon. Very soon!

I saw quite a few pictures of myself over the course of the summer. I'm not looking as awful as I did when I was 225, but I still look pretty chunk-a-dunky. I need to shave off about 50 more pounds. Of course I'm afraid I'll quit. I will get to 150, remember my age, and just try to maintain from then on. It's depressing from time to time to know that 150 satisfies me when it would have horrified my 10 years ago. So for now I will just stand firm in my goals and plow ahead.

My weight is steady as she goes at 186. I need to keep walking and counting, walking and counting. I'm way too lax right now. But again, next week kicks off the school year, and I am ready to roll. I just have to go through my cupboards and fridge and toss all the good stuff. Er, I mean the UNHEALTHY stuff. Yea. The unhealthy stuff.

I'll let you know how my week goes. Just wanted to touch base. You all have a wonderful week! And gear up. We're in this together!

Maintaining

I gave up drinking coffee over the course of the winter. I love the taste. I love it even more when you mix in those ever-so-tasty flavored creams. My favorite is one of the seasonal flavors - Pumpkin Pie Spice. I know, I know. That seems a little much to be drinking. It's actually pretty good though, as are all of the newest flavors.

I started drinking coffee again during my trip to Denver this summer. I quickly learned that I needed artificial assistance in the form of coffee if I wanted to keep up with the teenagers on this trip. There used to be a time I could burn the oil at both ends -- staying up late, getting up early-- and still managing to maintain enough mental stamina that I made sense when I talked. NOT SO when you're in your 40's. So my option was to drag all day or perk up immediately. Ok. Coffee it is.

I have gone from energy tea and a protein bar each morning to coffee with flavored cream. I tell myself that it's just fine, but I'd like to get rid of this little addiction when school starts here in God's country. And while I'm at it, I will get better control of my diet. I won't be tempted with coconut m&m's and cheetos and hot tamales candy. I have another 2 weeks before school starts. I have two rounds of company in between that time, and one back-to-hockey season picnic. The first round of company wants to watch their calories but loves a great meal -- so we'll see how that goes. Since there are 16 of them, it's almost unavoidable that there's going to be extra little treats around. The second group is family for Labor Day Weekend. I can easily work around that. And the picnik, well that's a pot-luck. Unless I eat before hand I am in trouble that day.

The good news is that I am back into a pretty solid walking routine. That doesn't mean every day, it means three days or four days in a row, then off two. I don't have any intention of beating myself up over this. My summer has exceeded temptation in a way that not many people have to experience. I have done OK. Not great, but I have done ok. I am maintaining at about 186. And I know once my normal routine comes back around I will be well on my way to losing again.

Until then, just so you know, the new limited edition coconut m&m's are out of this world! They taste like tiny little Mounds candy bars. Stay away from them if you know what's good for you! :) And I'll be back again soon. Take care and enjoy life this week! Maybe add a little cream to your coffee! :)

Sick & Tired

Greetings friends! I write to you this evening after a long, long day! A long, long summer, for that matter. I have spent the better part of this week getting back on track. Counting calories, out walking. It's been SIX WEEKS of fun and games. Six weeks. And I'm tired. I'm sick. And I'm sick and tired. I'm sick of junky eating. I'm sick of being sedentary. And I'm sick of watching my weight creep, creep, creep back up. And today I was literally sick to my stomach. My mother thinks I'm having withdrawals from sugary, fatty foods. I think she may be right.

Today I was 186.6 pounds. I have gained NINE pounds since the beginning of July. Not good. Not horrible either -- but it would be nice to have kept it off. Not possible this month. Seriously. Not possible. Think I'm exaggerating? Uhh . . . NOT.

Following my trip to the youth conference I was a leader at a camp for cousins that my mother hosts every summer. One morning in the middle of the week I was sitting at the kitchen table. I looked down at my plate of french toast smothered in butter and syrup. I looked up at the platters of bacon and sausage. I glanced to my left at the 5 dozen fried and glazed donuts. I looked to my right and saw a counter top covered with peanut butter, chocolate chip and snickerdoodle cookies, cream cheese brownies, rice krispie bars, little debbie snacks and 10 different varieties of chips. In the fridge was the leftover chinese wontons, rice and chow mein, as well as the refried beans and enchiladas from the day before. I turned to the other counselors and simply said: "This is a food nightmare!!!" I understood in the flash of an eye what 'gluttony' was about, and I was up to my eyeballs in it. This after a day of circus food that included everything and anything fried. Blahhhhhh!!!!!! And did I mention I started drinking coffee again over the course of the summer? Booooo!

I no sooner ended camp and I was off to my reunion. Wine. An automatic 3 pounds every time I drink it. So I jumped from 184 to 187. Of course the Carbone's pizza, one of my personal faves, didn't help either. And I battled that scale number over the next two weeks, topping off at 189 on Sunday of this week. No, no, no, no, no! I refuse to allow that number to get to the 190's. I was there last April! No, no, no! Not happening.

Sooo, I got back to work. Counting calories. And I need to keep at it. I promised you I wouldn't let you down, and I won't. I promise. I have forty+ pounds left to go and I have every intention of losing it. It's gotta go. And I have to keep exercising. I did plenty of walking, but not as part of a regular exercise time that I set aside each day. That little element dropped off and needs to be added back in. But I'm tired and winded and a fatty again. I'm thinking its going to be a couple of weeks before I'm comfortable with long distances. That's true even when I had between 10,000 and 18,000 steps on my pedometer each day. So for right now it's 40 minutes, or about 3 miles. I'll work back up to 6 miles before too long here.

And tonight I lay down my head - tired and sick. Literally. I'm hoping tomorrow will be better and easier. I'll keep you posted. But please pray for me. I need it big time! Peace and blessings to you all.

190

JUST KIDDING!!! Greetings my dear blogger friends. I am sorry, sorry, sorry for this long delay! It has been a decidedly crazy month thus far, and I have about 10 more days of "unusual events" to go. My weight this morning was really 184.3 . Sad, but wonderful too. I sincerely expected a much higher number.

After three days in Orange County with some relatives, I did two days of damage control. I came home happy but water-puffed. I must have looked like a marshmallow. And two days didn't put my weight anywhere that I wanted it! Then I was off again. This time by bus.

I arrived home at 6:30 this morning from a seven day trip on a motor coach bus. I was one of 20 adults who took 70 teenagers to the Rocky Mountains for Steubenville Rockies Catholic Youth Conference. And might I just add here: I LOATHE the bus! Give me just about any other form of travel. Existing on a bus for a one-way, 20 hour trip is not pleasant. Living on the food available from any given gas station is even worse. Having absolutely NO control of the restaurants where you eat is . . . well it's torture.

And we aren't even going to visit the issue of liquids. Okay well maybe just long enough to say that at my age, you can't wait too long to go potty. Every three hours? Holy guacamole! I think you can figure out that if I drank water, I suffered. It's simply NOT a good idea to open up the bathroom on a bus that's carrying teenagers. There's already some unfamiliar teenage smells on the journey. No need to complicate the air even more! So water on the way out and on the way back was out of the question. Puff, puff, cocoa puff!

The UPSIDE of course, is that I gained about 7 pounds. Seven. I'll share what I ate over these past two weeks on another blog, but I can tell you with ease that these teenagers are offered more carbohydrates in one day than I eat in a week. It's cereal and muffins and donuts, buns with hamburgers and hot dogs, pizza crust, taco shells. . . it's insane. Seriously insane. Fresh veggies and fruit were a delicacy on this trip.

Soooooo, I am very pleased that I am not fatter than that little scale reflected today. I mean, we had Chipotle at midnight one night --closing out an amazing day of prayer with 1500 little calories. Can you say SCARY? Yea, I thought so too.

Anyway, I am going to check in later. I just want to let you know I'm alive and well and starting a fresh, new day. I hope yours is a blessed one. Peace.

Falling Off the Fatty-Wagon

What a fantastic 4th of July it was! I'm not sure about the weather elsewhere, but here in God's Country it was a picture-perfect day. Beautiful. And we are blessed to have been able to spend it on the lake. Amazing.

So how's my weight, you ask? It's okay. I am back up to 180. And I deserve to be. I indulged in all sorts of extravagances this weekend. Ones that I wouldn't have touched even a few weeks ago. But when you're in up to your elbows, its hard to walk away.

Every year on the 4th my big family (and I mean numbers of people, not scale numbers - haha) gets together. We rent a canopy. Set up tables. I get up very early and with a little help from some elves grill breakfast on the beach. Huge griddles. Pancakes and french toast. Bacon and sausage. Caramel rolls and orange juice. Chocolate milk and fresh coffee. A family tradition. And the pancake batter is prepared from scratch with eggs, sugar, flour, milk . . . the good stuff. The french toast mix gets a splash of cinnamon and sugar. And it's all outdoors, which seems to make it smell and taste 100 times better than normal. So I had some. I considered making some pancakes from the Fiber One mix I just purchased, but managed to persuade myself that it was WAY too much extra work!

Then we had an afternoon of junk food. Chips. Bars. Salsa. I didn't eat much of that. No, no. I saved myself for dinner. Nevermind that I didn't have any calories left from my budget after the third bite of my french toast earlier. Dinner was going to be goooooooood!

After our annual family "Talent Show" my brother put marinated corn cobs, beef and chicken kabobs and barbequed ribs on the grill. I had a beef kabob and some ribs. I also had about 1/2 cup of au gratin potatoes. Keep in mind I haven't had a potatoe since last Christmas!!! Oh. Tasty doesn't describe them! And then of course there were the brownies. Brownies and cheesecake with fresh strawberries. And I ate both. I think I ate four brownies!!!! I felt so guilty it was ridiculous. I could EASILY have taken the whole pan of brownies with a big glass of milk and climbed under a picnic table and polished them off all alone. I think that makes me a brownie junkie or something. lol. I have always loved brownies, but these brownies seemed to have my name written on them or something. They called me by name, I swear!

So the day after the 4th I stayed off the wagon from which I had fallen. Believe it or not, I had KFC. Yes. Fried chicken. Mashed potatoes and gravy. Cole slaw. But let me just tell you something. I never, ever, ever eat the skin on a piece chicken. I don't care how original the recipe is or how many spices they use. It's the scalp of the chicken. The scalp. YUUUUUKKKKK!!!!! And we aren't even going to talk about the calories in it folks. It's just flat out disgusting. Follicle bumps and all. Gross, gross, gross, gross, gross.

So. So, so, soooo.... that was my weekend. And although I got back on the fatty-wagon on Monday, those 3 pounds joined me. I'm grateful it wasn't more. Like I said -- if I can maintain this month I'm going to be in great shape and I'll be ready to go like gangbusters in August.

Meanwhile . . . my long-legged walking buddy is back at it, and my sis is in town. They're gonna kick my a.s.s. this week exercising. Don't tell them, but I'm secretly looking forward to it! :) I'll try, try, try to keep you updated. Life is crazy here in the country right now.

I'm off to bed. May God Bless you and keep you and hear your prayers loud and clear. Peace.

177.2

Hey all! Another great day in dietville. :) I'm still working off the weekend, and heading into a new one. A busy, food-filled one. So I'm trying to get ahead of the game. And it looks like that's working for me, doesn't it??? Yea.

I've been exercising a ton this week. Walked, ran. Walked, ran. And I'm doing a great job on my eating too. So I'm pretty happy. I just wish it wasn't so hard to stay in check when I get to the social stuff. I have so many more coming up this month. and I'm very worried about it. I'm sincerely starting to believe that if I can make it to August 1st without gaining . . . without sliding back into the 80's, I'm going to be in great shape. And let me tell you this, it's gonna be SUPER tough. But I will keep you in the loop. What I know, you'll know. Promise.

And I will keep exercising. That's going to be key. Without it I'm not gonna make it. We ALL know that!

Another dull post today, sorry to say. Despite all my "social" gigs I really have no life. Which explains why this is dull. It's all about the food and exercise. Hah!

So I'm going to sign off here. I'm going to try and post again before or during the weekend. It'll keep me honest and accountable. So until then, God Bless!

Working It Out

Summer is crazy. The time gets away from me like no other season. I can' believe that it's the 4th of July next week. Can't believe it!

I've had a really great week, and my weekend wasn't too bad either. My weight stayed pretty steadily in the 170's last week, and I got in lots of exercise. Headed out to a couple of grad parties yesterday, but the food choices were super -- including subway sandwiches and lots of veggies. So I was able to keep the eating a minimum. But apparently, I still had a little too much. Plus, I couldn't get in a workout over the weekend.

Sooooo.... this morning when I woke up I had popped up to 180. I was down to 177.4 on Friday, so I accumulated a little water over the weekend. A little disappointing, to say the least. HOWEVER, I believe that this past 5 weeks, and the four weeks ahead of me, are unusually busy from a social perpective. I have a LOT going on this month too. Lots of company, lots of special events. And because of that, I have decided that I cannot beat myself up if I'm not losing 10 pounds a month. If I lose even 5 each month through this time, I'm still moving forward. Then I can kick it into high gear again in September.

I would love to say that I can keep on like crazy until then, but I know better. I know from these last two months. 5 pounds each. Not much. But together, its 10. And after July, it's 15. And after August, its 20. So HOPEFULLY from May to Labor Day I will have dropped 20 pounds. That's a big number in its own right. That's 175 by August 1 and 170 by September 1. Completely attainable. And I won't lose heart and pitch the whole program for feeling like a failure.

So that's the plan. The new plan. At least for today. lol. If it changes, you'll be the first to know. Hah!

Tomorrow I'm off and running again. I'll try to be better about blogging. I just get tired at the end of the day. Perhaps that means I will have to blog in the mornings. We'll see.

God bless you all. Thanks for hanging in there with me. It's what drives me.

xoxoxoxox

179.2

I love hockey. A subject out of the blue, I know. But I've spent part of my last two days checking kids in at hockey camps and watching Junior A try-out games. And the distraction is good for me. I concentrate on everything EXCEPT food. I love the game. I love to watch it. And the added plus is that I have had a good couple of days as a result this distraction. Great eating habits and high activity levels.

Yesterday was particularly good. I got into the gym and ran 3 miles, walked one, and cycled 3. I didn't intend to work so hard, but once I was in there and got going, I just kept going. I wasn't tired, even if I was sweating like crazy. So I just kept going.

Afterward I treated myself to a massage. My neck and shoulder muscles are always sore. I feel like they've been sore for 3 months. I think it's partly because I don't stretch as well as I should. And even when I do, the ache seems to survive. I don't really mind it so much, but I decided to see if I could get some relief by getting a massage. And it wasn't too terribly different than the one I had in March. "Hellooooo Helga. I'm baaaaack."

So this time I guess my arm muscles were very tight and knotted. Helga worked them and worked them and worked them. Today I have bruises. Honestly! Bruises! I can hardly touch my upper arms. It's almost comical. So I guess I'm going to have to rethink this whole "relaxing massage" thing. It doesn't really work for me, does it? Haha. C'est la vie. Could be much, much worse, right?

The rest of my week is going to be equally busy, but I MISSED the intense exercise. Shocking, but I really missed it. And then I was too busy to get to the gym today -- truly -- but I am really looking forward to it for tomorrow. I actually really WANT to get to it. How weird is that??????

So I'm good. I'm really good. Maybe I'm not serious enough for some people out there, as the comment from my last post suggests. Maybe I'm not losing the weight fast enough. Maybe I'm stuggling. But that is the nature of the beast within. Whether it's eating, smoking, drinking, gossiping, lying, shopping -- all of us have our temptations. All of us have our struggles. Wouldn't life be grand if we could shake our vices from us without any hardship or struggle? But that's not reality. And set-backs are not the equivalent of failure. In my experience, success is heightened by the amount of struggles we overcome in order to achieve it. The harder the fight, the sweeter the victory. NO ONE wants to watch a game whose score is 10 to zero -- not even the winners. EVERYONE wants to see the game that goes into double overtime. Those are the best struggles. The ones we win in spite of the adversity. In spite of the set-backs. Those are the "wins" that settle into our bones and become part of our character. And that's what I want for myself.

So to you, my anonymous poster, I say this: I'm sorry I have disappointed you. But you have disappointed me, too.

That's it. I'm off to bed friends. Sleep tight. God Bless you all. And I'll report back as soon as I can.

Sliding Backward

From the beginning, I have been determined not to slide backwards. I don't want this little "cartoon" to be me. And I don't want to stop dead in my tracks. I want to keep moving forward toward my goal.

My last month has been a constant and ongoing struggle to stay on track. I don't really understand why. I have a renewed hunger and a renewed lazy streak. I can't get myself motivated to get out and get exercise. I haven't done anything for a week. Bad, bad, bad.

I have to dig deep into myself and find the spark I had in January. Obviously being super-obese was a great motivator. But I am definitely not "thin" yet. Not by anyone's standards. I wish understood this "stall" in my program. I don't. I want to keep on. I just seem to be failing miserably right now. And until today I didn't have a plan to snap myself out of it. But I have given it a lot of thought. And I have decided to get to my basics again. Counting calories. I have to count calories. Exactly. Every day.

I have allowed myself 1200 calories each day since January 2. I guess around February I popped it up and gave myself up to 1350, but generally tried to shoot for 1200. I think it's time to drop that number. I need to shake myself up. And I need a change. So that's what it's going to be. I'm going to drop my calorie intake to 1000 daily. A little low, but my current inactivity calls for more drastic food measures. So that will be my new daily regimen.

I also need to get moving again. And tomorrow is a new day. A day for that. And I plan to.

A little depressing today. Sorry about that. It is what it is. Hopefully I will me more chipper as I begin to experience success and forward movement again. I haven't fallen too far off -- I'm at 181.6. But that's not acceptable. Not when I saw those 7's. And I will again. Soon. I can't stop now. I just can't.

I'm going to bed before I give in to temptation and eat. So nighty night. Peace to you all. And may the saints be with you too. . .

Nobody Does It Better

I'm talking about fish. Deep fried. Beer-battered. And nobody does beer-battered, deep fried fish better than my friend R.B. And his daughter graduated this year, so they had a grad party. But there was NO WAY my friend could get away with any other fare, so that' s what it was.

Of all of the graduation parties and other events I have attended, I knew this was going to be the toughest. I saved up a BUNCH of my calories over a couple of days so that I could indulge in this fish. And I did. And it was absolutely fabulous, mouth-watering, and worth every single stinkin' calorie it contained. I had two pieces. Seriously. Totally worth it. Every other time I have given in to a whim or indulgence, I have walked away dissatisfied. Not today, my friends. Not today. He he he he. Yum, yum!

Which leads me to tell you that one of the most amazing lessons I have learned on this journey has been to stop. Just stop. Every time you eat or want to. Stop, stop, stop. Think, think, think. WHY am I hungry? WHEN did I eat last? HOW many calories have I eaten so far today? WHICH foods should I eat?

And that's not all. I can't tell you how many times over these months that I have started eating something and I realize it doesn't taste very good. Again, I stop. Throw it away. I don't finish it. Done. I realize that's a bit of a waste, but I refuse to waste calories on food that doesn't taste good. I want to love what I'm eating. And if I don't, forget it. I'm not going to finish it. It's a great habit to get into, and forces me to give greater thought to what I'm putting in my mouth.

I did okay at the party. Had a little too many calories later, but I am still okay. I've had a pretty good few days. If I can hold out through the wedding tomorrow I'll be in great shape. For calories anyway. Struggling with my exercise. Feeling lazy and unmotivated. My morning walking partner has a serious injury. Something called anterior tibula tendinitis - a big deal. So she is out for a while. And I have to believe God is forcing my hand and making me self-reliant. Again. So I'm going to try and get busy. Tomorrow is probably out because the wedding and travel time will eat up my whole day, but Monday is the beginning of a new week. I just have to do it.

So tonight as I lay my head down, I just say "Thank you Lord, for the progress I have made. Thanks for the great fish today, too. And Lord, I just ask you to please stand by me, smack me with your staff to keep me on track with my weight loss program, because I'm really just a stupid sheep. :) Thanks Lord. I trust you. I know you hear me. And I know you want me to be healthy. So thanks."

179.8

I am sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. I didn't even REALIZE how much time had passed since I blogged last. I was shocked when I got on tonight and saw it was last Saturday. I promise I will be more attentive. I don't even know what happened.

My week was crazy busy, but I stayed steady-on. I am so happy I did. It was really worth the pain. I am in the SEVENTIES!!!! Did you see that? This morning I got on the scale and had no expectation of any change. I thought I was going to hang right around that 182 mark. Not because I over-ate. In fact, for no reason at all, other than I have become accustomed to those 80's (which one of my anonymous commenters definitely pegged me on!). I about died when I saw the 7. Nearly fainted dead away. (I've always wanted to use that expression. The chance doesn't come up too often.) But I didn't faint, which is good because I would have cracked my head open or something. :)

I got back on track in a big way this week. It didn't start that way. I went to a graduation party Saturday that was serving hot dogs. Bad, bad, bad. I ate two! With a bun! And I sampled the bars. Four times. And I had wine. Several glasses. NOT a good thing. Obviously. So Monday rolled around and I had another case of the "glues." That's when your fat is stuck to you like glue and never plans to come off because you keep feeding the monster that makes it grow and dimple and look so attractive under your skin. Yep. The glues.

And then I turned it all around. I have to tell you that this is mostly due to my mother. The woman never swears. You knew you were in big trouble as a kid if she said "goll dammit." So I laughed and chuckled to myself for nearly an hour after I talked to her on the phone Monday afternoon and she said: "Now, you get back on that damn diet!" Okay. I will. Okay? And I did. I always listen to my mother. Hahaha. And she's always right. And I'm in the 70's to prove it!!!

Still getting in the walks, but have added a bit of running. Ran about 2 miles last Sunday. And again tonight. I was kinda tired though, so I ran 1.5 miles and walked 1 mile. Then I cycled for five, so I got in a pretty good hour. I was sweating it up good. Must've been pretty red too, because I got "the look" from another runner. You know? The one that wonders if you are about to have a heart attack and fly off the back of it? Ya, that one. Oh welllllllll.

AND! And, and, and! The ice is going back in at the rink this week. I'm going to be able to skate again by next Wednesday. I am very excited about that! Yes I am. Burns TONS of calories. Tons.

So, that's the scoopage. I'm not quite finished with all of the summer events and revelry yet. Have 3 graduation parties and a wedding this weekend. But I am very motivated right now, and can't wait to get into lower 70's. It's like how I felt when I hit the 90's. The further I got from 200 the happier I was. Not sure why that's true in the 70's but it is. I'm more motivated than I've been in a long time. So you all must be praying for me. Don't stop! He's listening!

I'm over and out here. Have to make one more trip out tonight and I am wiped! Thank you, thank you for supporting me. Thanks for the hits and checking. I'm good. And getting better. We all are. Goodnight friends. Sleep well.

P.S. to my the first anonymous blogger from my last post -- VERY interesting analogy. And it raises interesting possibilities about my body response to sugar. I'm going to play Inspector Clouseau on that . . . so gracias!

181.6

Whew!!! What a week!!! I was starting to think I was never going to be able to crawl out of that barrel I had crawled in. But alas, I emerged. Just in time for the weekend. Just in time for graduation parties and a wedding shower. All that good food. None of it low-cal. I'm going to have to eat before every one of them if I ever want to see the 170's. But in spite of the food issues, summer parties can be an endless source of fun and entertainment. Not to mention a learning experience. Like what to do when there is no table available to set down your drink. As long as you have a straw, you don't really have to move when you want another sip! Toooo funny!

So anywhooo, I started my week at a high number, but kind of thought it was easy, quick-on/quick-off water weight. Boy was I wrong. I took off 1/2 pound, then another, but it hung on for dear life. I was pretty surprised, but it was a great wake up call too. You just can't mess around with your metabolism like that. And let me tell you, from an emotional standpoint it is NOT worth the aggravation.

There was a huuuuuge UPside to my week though. My sister came to visit this week. She is a shopper, that one. Has impeccable taste. I always tell people that I go "shopping in my sister's closet" because she has great clothes and lots of extras. Hah! Anyway, she brought along a box of pants for me. Capris, jeans, slacks. Cute stuff!!! ALL size -- da, da, da, da -- 14! We had a "try it on" marathon. I was completely bowled over. THEY FIT!!!! Okay, well MOST of them fit. A few need a few-to-five pounds and then they will, but the majority fit and fit well. I was shocked. I don't really understand what happened. I sort of skipped right by the 16's and went to the 14's. Ecstatic. That's what I was. And I showered up and put on a pair of my shiny new 14 jeans and headed out to a friend's for dinner.

Now I don't really think pride is such a good thing. I actually think it can be quite harmful to ones self and to others. But right now I am pretty proud of myself. Self-satisfied, but not smug. And today I put on yet another pair of these fancy new jeans - a pair with sparkly pockets. I stood in front of the mirror for 10 minutes. I had grown so accustomed to bumps and humps and rolls I didn't recognize my own figure. When did THAT happen????? OH! And my mom sent me two pictures - a "before and after." LOOOOOVED seeing those. There I was - the old me. Almost 50 pounds lighter than I was at Christmas. What a great feeling. So much better than a piece of banana cream cheese cake. . . . I think. Hahaha.

So me and my sparkly butt are off to graduation parties. Pray that I can govern my food intake a little better this weekend. God bless and stay safe!!!

Ow -wow- ow

Hello, hello, hello! I know I've been MIA, and I'm sorry about that. There are not enough hours in the day lately to fit in everything I want to do. I'm up by 6:20 every morning and basically FALL into bed at night. Then it's deep REM - at least until I have to get up and go to the bathroom, anyway. Haha!

My exercise has become an ESSENTIAL element in my day, but I have worked so doggone hard with other stuff this week, my muscles are dead tonight. I could hardly walk by the end of the day today. Not kidding. Hardly walk. I planted flowers yesterday and cleaned out all of my gardens. I think I did no short of 1,000 squats, and I am here to tell you that my hamstrings and glutes are killing me. Seriously. Killing me. The day before I cleaned my garage and my yard. And on top of these massive tasks, I walked my usual 4-6 miles. Yea. Dead.

Unfortunately for me, I had a horrible, horrible food weekend. That would be what I call the "graduation fare." Nothing low-cal but fruit and/or veggies. The rest is yummy, but fattening. And then I went out to dinner on Sunday night and drank wine. A bunch. So by Monday morning my weight had popped back up to 185. A complete waste of two weeks of hard work.

So I tried to get my eating back on track right away on Monday. I am finding that as my weight drops, the struggle to stay under my daily calorie budget is tougher. My daily budget is 27 x my current weight. That's what I can eat in calories if I want to lose 2 pounds a week. So right now I'm at about 1200 - which is of course what I have been eating since the beginning. So why is it harder than it was the first 6 months? I don't know. I don't have an answer. I seem to be hungry MUCH more than I was in those first months. I'm sure it's partly because I am more active, but that doesn't seem to be enough of a reason. So if someone out there understands this, let me know.

In the meantime, I am going to keep plugging away at it. Fight the good fight. And this morning I had dropped to 183.8 again. Not 181.8, but not 185 either. So yay me! Progress is progress. Even if it means coming out of a backslide.

So that's my scoop today. Not the most fabulous update, but not the worst either. I'll take it. I can handle it. :) So I am off to bed now. Hungry, but not planning any late night binge. Gotta stay the course. You all too. God love y'all. Cuz I know I do! I promise I'll be back soon! Saaamooooch!

Do You Know the Muffin Man?

So apparently I do NOT know about all things "fat." I thought I was familiar with every possible term- cute, derogatory or otherwise. But I learned a new one today. Incredible. Can you say "muffin top"? I am absolutely stunned that I have never heard that term. Strangely enough, my sis-in-law asked me over the weekend whether I knew what it meant. So when it showed up again in a comment yesterday, I googled it. And here it is: muffin tops are the rolls of fat that blob over pants or shorts that are too tight at the waistband, or stick out between the waistband and a shirt that exposes the middriff. The billowing effect looks like the top of a muffin. Voila! Is that hysterical???? Oh yea -- I know the muffin man. He used to live in my closet! Hahaha!

Alright with that little piece of trivia out of the way we can move on to more important things. Like the fact that I was down to 181.8 this morning. I seriously almost fainted. I don't think I have done the bathroom scale dance for a looong time, but I was so shocked to see such a low number, I did it this morning. And then the joy, joy, joy set in. Woohoo!!!!

I didn't work out at all yesterday. I was whipped and had one of my horrible headaches. My morning walking partner couldn't get out this morning, and although we planned to meet later in the day, I didn't feel super, so I slept a bit and passed. And then the guilt set in. So I ended up heading to the gym at the end of the day. I hopped on the treadmill and after 1/10 of a mile started to run. One mile passed, I felt great. Two miles, great. Three miles, sweaty but great. I could have gone on and on, but I HAD to get off to get little people home. Booooo! I used to run quite a bit, but always seemed to tire quickly. It was the furthest I have run - ever. And the euphoric feeling it gave me was incomparable.

To make matters even better, there was a guy running next to me. Probably about my age. And while my face was beat red, my hair soaked and my face and chest were all sweaty, THAT guy looked like he had just been hosed down. He was completely covered in sweat. lol. Not marine-corp-Ken with glistening skin. We're talking soaking wet. I've seen my sweaty match I guess!!!!

Lots going on today. Lots of good stuff. I am just happy, happy, happy. And of course, I am still motivated. So it's back to walking tomorrow. And of course I'm still hoping to get on my bike this week. Really.

Alright my dear friends, God Bless you, God Bless you. Sleep peacefully and well. And I be back later this week.

Circles

That's what I am making. Circles. For the last several months it seems. I lose a little, eat, gain a little. And of course this holiday weekend was no different. I hit my 185 last week. Over the weekend I got down to 183.8. I was in heaven! I had tons of family visiting and all of them were up to walking. So walk we did. We walked in the morning, averaging about 4 miles. Then again in the evening, about 2.5 miles. We focused more on content in the evenings though. We hit the stairs and the hills big time! Huffin' and puffin' for about 40 minutes.

By yesterday - you know, my usual day of rest - I was exhausted. We walked 4 miles in the morning, but my legs were dead tired. And then we had the typical Memorial Weekend family food - hamburgers, hotdogs, salad, chips, fruit. And ice-cream. Yea. Yummy, creamy ice-cream. With strawberries or brownies or whatever.

Now I am not one who gives in to temptation much anymore. I have singular days where I look for sweets and throw the whole plan out the window. They're getting fewer and further between, but I still have them. And of course yesterday I fell right in. I had the salad and veggies and organic hot dogs at 70 calories each. GREAT stuff. If I had walked away I would have been just fine. Sadly, someone has to clean up. And the longer I was there, the better it looked. And I ate vanilla ice-cream with strawberries. Worse, I went back later for a butter pecan ice-cream cone. NOT good. I was back up to 185 today. Expected that or worse, so I am okay.

Got up and walked this morning - about 3 miles in some seriously windy weather. I am tired today. I have a sugar hangover, but I don't feel too terrible. I am going to have days like this the rest of my life. I just have to keep coming back to "normal" when I do. Normal has to be the healthy food and exercise that I have begun. And right now it is. So I'm okay. Besides, I am down 4o pounds from where I started. 40. That's amazing. I lifted a 40 lb. bag of water softener salt and could hardly hold it up - and yet I lugged that same weight for almost 3 years. Eee gadz!!! So that's me in corner there. Hah!

I have a busy week again this week. It will keep me on my feet and keep my focused. I would LOVE to see the 170's soon. What a great milestone that will be for me. In the meantime, you all keep praying for me, and I'll pray for you. And I'll keep losing and walking and walking and losing. Oh! And I hope to get on my bike this week too (still haven't done that yet)!

There it is folks. Have a beautiful day!

185

I am averaging -- when I'm really on, anyway -- a 2 pound loss per week. Not as much as I'd like, but at least its coming off. If there is one single most important lesson I have learned from watching The Biggest Loser its this: you CAN'T control how much weight you body is going to shed from day to day, week to week. What you CAN control is what you put in your mouth and what your level of physical activity will be. If your calories are less than the amount of energy you've expended, the weight will come off. Absolutely. It's simply a matter of time. However, other factors affect weight loss, and can preclude any large and/or consistent losses. Stress, body cycles, hormones . . . there are lots of extras out there.

So each time I get on the scale I hope I'll see some big, huge, sudden dip. But it never comes. It comes in 1/10's! Oh well. Down, down baby. Down, down. And at the rate I am going, I will see 140 in approximately 21 weeks. That puts me at about mid-October. Waaaaayyyyyy far away. I can't stand the thought of it. But I don't have a choice, so I will just have to deal with that, and hope for the best.

In the meantime, I will keep walking and working out. And as I come into the beginning of summer, I am thrilled to see the fruit stands starting to pop up around town. Fresh fruit and veggies - I LOVE it! And right now I fill small baggies with fruit or with veggies and an individual-sized dip and keep them in my fridge for spontaneous eating. Perfect. 150 calories for the veggies and dip and 75 for the fruit. It's handy and easy and keeps me from reaching for something less healthy. You should try it. . . . I promise you will love it.

Busy weekend ahead with lots of company but I am really looking forward to it. Gets lonely in God's country in the winter months. Now all I have to do is avoid the usual picnic foods and stay with my better alternatives. I'll let you know how that goes! God knows I love a good hot dog, and the grilling and campfire season create all-new temptations. :)

So I'm off to bed. Fighting off a sore throat so I'm extra tired tonight. Hope I can sleep. Zzzzzz.....

Falling Down the Rabbit Hole

That's the story for this week. You lose, you gain, you lose again. So, so, ridiculous. One little cake donut and my sugar levels go completely berserk! More sugar. More insanity. This weekend my body waged a full-out mutiny against anything healthy. I managed to get through part of Saturday pretty well, but then pretty much gave in to whatever junk food was around. And if you have been following my blog, you know that this isn't like me at all! My big splurges are too many Multigrain cheerios, or almonds, or maybe a little extra peanut butter on my rice cakes. But sugar, sugar, and more sugar -- that hasn't happened to me since last December.

The end result, of course, was a weight gain. My weight popped back up to 189.2 on Sunday morning!!! I was so ticked and disappointed in myself. I did what I could as far as damage control on Sunday, but was dealing with body-rebellion at every level. No exercise on Friday, Saturday OR Sunday. So I controlled my caloric intake and tried not to be too hard on myself over the mess-up

Obviously I couldn't let it the number go . . . so it was back on the scale bright and early this morning. And God is good. I had a better day today. I was back down. Not to 186.6, where I had been safely resting for the last week. But it was down. I was at 187.2. I'm 1/2 pound away from where I was last week, but I'm also completely back on track again today. I walked a LOT today - about 4 miles this morning and another 3 throughout the day. And my calories were at 1,196. I'm okay with that. I'll see how it looks tomorrow on the scale -- because we all know I'm not going to be able to stay off of that sucker :)

So I may have fallen down the rabbit hole with Alice over the weekend, but today I feel like I am in a much better place. Back on track, ready to go. Ready to shed another layer of fat. Yes, I am. It's gotta go. I won't stop until it does. One pound at a time. So there.

Sleep well my friends. I'm back at it tomorrow, and I'll report how it goes. God Bless!

Shake It Up Baby

I need it. A shake up, I mean. I am in a slump. I feel like I could use a jump-start or a jolt or something. Oh sure, I'm plugging along. My weight is stuck at 186.6. It's been there for days. Someone told me to try and cut back on carbs and focus more on other items, but I haven't had the gumption to get into that yet. Gumption. (What a funny word. I like it though.)

Anyway, my morning walking partner is in NY (lucky, lucky), so I've been slacking all week. I got in a great workout on Wednesday. Rigorous. Outside. Up and down hills, running and walking combined. Reeaaaallllly good. And that was the end of it. Other than cleaning out every single closet in my household -a huge task all in itself - I didn't get out and exercise. I got a lot done, no question, but not enough physical activity. No cardio for two days in a row. And I have NO motivation to get out there today, either. It's cold and windy and I don't relish the thought of it. To add insult to injury, my treadmill went kaput. Just died, or shorted, or quit or something. So odd. Same thing happened to my bro this week.

Anyway, it's not looking too good. I need something. Like Jillian Michaels or Bob Harper from the Biggest Loser. That'd would be awesome!!! I do want to try the Jillian Michaels workout. I heard it is great. I just don't know that I would actually do it once I had it here. Boo! But the saving grace is that my mom and sis are coming tomorrow. AND my friend comes back. She's a lot like my sister. A bit of a drill sargent. So I can get back on the horse on Monday. In the meantime, I just have to avoid those cake donuts on top of my fridge. lol. They look mighty good! And I really haven't craved sweet junk like that for a long time. So I'm a little surprised by this. Hmmm....

Alright, so I am going to hang out and read today. One of my favorite little hobbies. That or I'm going to head into town, hit confession and have a fresh new perspective tomorrow. Ahhh, motivation and vigor! Where hast thou gone? :) I'll be back tomorrow or Monday! Have a spectacular day.

A Trip Down Memory Lane

I'm not talking about reminiscing. No, no, no. I mean I literally tripped down memory lane. I completely forgot to give you the other part of my weight loss news when I reported that I had hit 186.6. DUH!!!!

Okay, so here it is: not only did I hit that beautiful number (which I have stayed at, by the way), but when I went to my weight loss challenge I was down another 2 1/4 inches. Since the middle of January, that brings the inches I have lost to a grand total of 38! Thirty eight. THIRTY 8! Off of my chest, stomach, hips, thighs and upper arms. Incredible. That's the circumference of another whole person! Oh my goodness. Yay me!!!!!!

I used to think that I could set all sorts of goals for my weight loss. You know - 10 pounds in a month, or 2 or 3 pounds in a week. As I continue my journey today, my goal is 1 pound. That's what I want to see on the scale when I get on -- that I've lost one pound. I don't look for 2 or 3 or 5. I look for just that single one. Oh yea, I definitely want to lose a specific number of "ones" over a period of time. I want to lose another 40 pounds. But my GOAL is to lose one. And then another one. And then another one. Until I reach a number I am comfortable with.

I know that it's a better idea to focus on measurements, but I can say with 100% certainty that my measurements won't be anything to write about until my scale numbers are lower. That's just how I'm built. Some people fit into a size 14 at 185 pounds. I'm in a 16. I won't be in a 12 until I'm at least 163-64. A little depressing, but c'est la vie. It is what it is. And I can deal with that. I knew that when I started. Okay well I forgot that fact for a minute, but my struggle with those doggone 18's was a quick reminder.

So tomorrow is another day. Another beginning. Another chance to drop a pound. And I'm up for the challenge. I'm in the groove. I've got my mind made up. Vroom, vroooommm! :)

So there's the other piece. Sorry about the brain fade. My body parts take turns experiencing fatigue. lol. I'm off to bed. The three hour Biggest Loser finale was exhausting. :) God bless you all. Sleep tight.

Weekend Madness

Seriously. Weekends are the pits when it comes to staying on track. And this one was no different. I ate too much bread- even if it was whole grain. And yesterday, Mother's Day, I skipped going out for Mexican. Instead I had . . . da, da, da, daaaaa. . . . 6 . . . yes 6 Oreo cookies. Had a glass of 2% milk to go with it. The caloric equivalent of a meal. 6 x 56 + 120 = Mmmm, mmmm good! (Did you really expect me to say "yuk"?). The downside, of course, was that I knew with all certainty that I was going to be up a pound today, so I stayed off the scale. That act all by itself is a miracle. lol. Haha.

So I got my little binge out of the way and got right back on the horse today. I definitely made up for my weekend infidelity in both exercise and eating. Walked almost 6 miles this morning, then another 3 1/2 through the course of the day. Sorted mounds and mounds of laundry and got 1/2 way through getting that washed and dried. Then I dug into a couple of other back-burner projects. All in all I'd say I burned quite a few calories. And my Lose It program on my iphone allots 89 calories to every 30 minutes of house cleaning. Who knew???

My food included two protein shakes as my meal substitutes. I should note here that I rarely skip regular meals for shakes. Normally my shakes are my snacks. But ridiculous binging calls for ridiculous measures -- at least for the day, anyway. Besides, the shakes are super-filling and oh, so tasty. The first, which I had at the shake shop, was sinfully good. White chocolate raspberry. 200 calories, 24 grams of protein, utterly fabulous. I made another one at home later. A chocolate one with extra protein (bringing the total to 34 grams). Added a banana and some strawberries to make it taste like a banana split. 300 calories. Oh yea. Life isn't bad on chubby train after all! Hah!

And can I just share with you that I COMPLETELY splurged while shopping last Friday? I did. I bought a new blender. I know you thought I was going to say shoes or something, right? Well, my blender burned out. A $30.00 job that wasn't meant for twice-daily use. So I got a new one. Over the top. A $150.00 Kitchen-Aid that was on sale for $119.00. I felt guilty, guilty, guilty. And then I made my first shake with it. Smmooooooth. Sooooo worth it! Bye-bye guilt. :)

As for the shoes . . . well, for right now I have to settle for the walking shoes I just bought. No choice. My feet shrunk. A 1/2 size. How weird is that??? I mean, were my feet these big pink puffy things or what? Must have been to some degree, because my size 9'ers were suddenly way too big. I'm down to and 8 1/2. Not sure if that's going to keep shrinking, so I won't be parting with my cash for new stilettos anytime soon. Besides, those spike heels canNOT handle my 186 pounds. Those suckers are meant for girly girls who wear a size 6 and have some measure of balance. Yes they are. Yes, they are. Okay - in MY world they are. Remember, I live out in the country; not in a big metropolitan area where "anything goes." Out here, I'd look like Dressed-Up Bessie, headin' off to the VFW for karaoke night. Hahaha. Okay well maybe not THAT bad, but it might be a little scary to see just yet. I'll keep you updated. :)

Alright folks, I need to keep folding all that laundry or it's going to need ironing (and forget that!). You all have a wonderful evening. Peace and Blessings.

P.S. This could easily be my "before" picture. Don't ya love it???

186.6

Woop, woop, woop!!! I have hit a magic number in my weight loss world. I would love to say "there are no words" but we aaaall know I'm far too long-winded for that. Haha! This was a big day for me today. I have kept my calories at a steady 1300 or less, and I've kept up with my exercise, so I had hoped to see my number go down, but seeing a 186 at the front end was over the top for me. And from my perspective, this is the direct result of your prayers. I am completely and utterly convinced of it. Wow.

I have not weighed in at the 186 mark for almost three years. Doesn't seem like that long ago, but it felt like an eternity. When your life shuts down, when you stop going out, when you don't want anyone to see you, ever, life can feel pretty slow and miserable. But the sun has come out, my friends. And let me add here that I am sooooo grateful for your amazing comments and your prayers. I could never articulate how much they mean to me. So thank you. Thank you, thank you!

And tomorrow is another new day. Still struggling a bit with the knee. I'm not sure what that's all about, but that's okay. I bought a brace, load up on the ibuprofen, ice it at night and that seems to keep me on track. I am averaging about 6 miles of walking each day. Of that amount, at least 4 are in "exercise" mode - an hour or so that I get in a walk that's quick enough to be considered "cardio." This morning brought back fond memories of my first few trips to the gym. I was sweating like a pig, and my face was as red as a beet. It's been a while since I've sweated like that. Even the back of my hands were wet!! Good gravy! It was a little unsettling. But I figure I am sweating out all sorts of horrible toxins, so it's just fine. Yes indeedy. :)

Well I'm headed into the weekend and I am in a much better place emotionally than I was a week ago. A few little lemondrops this week, and I sooo needed them. I always say that if God gave out treats, they'd be lemon drops. Sweet and sour, small, but strong and long-lasting. My weight this morning was like a whole handful of lemon drops. And praise God for that!

So. There it is. The latest and greatest. Well there's one more little . . . well okay big thing . . . but I think I will save that for tomorrow. :) Sleep well my friends. And God Bless.

Dang!

I am so, so, soooo tired. Last week was pretty drama-filled, and I had hoped it was over. But alas, it begins again. I know life is cyclical. Ups, downs, circles. And I am obviously on a low cycle. The kind where everything goes wrong. Not a Murphy's law kind of wrong. I'm talking about the stressful stuff that you can't control, or fix. The same stuff that makes every carb you eat go straight to your rear-end or hips and stick there. The kind that keeps the weight from coming off. The kind that makes you rationalize that the bread and chocolate you're stuffing into your mouth are healthy. Yep. That kind.

Interesting how stress can sabotage weight loss. I don't know exactly how it works with hormones in the body. I just know it makes a difference. And here's the answer: I have to either get rid of the stress altogether, or try and work off the stress through exercise. Since the former is not possible, the latter has to be my course of action. And I've been doing okay with that.

I walked 5 1/2 miles on Friday and swam Friday night. I walked 3 miles on the bike trail Saturday morning, then another 2 through the course of the day. Yesterday was my day of rest, and I needed it because my left knee has been giving me a little trouble. Today I got in another 6 miles. Yay for me! Awesome, right? WRONG!!! My body clung to weight over the weekend. I ate a little too much I suppose. I split a burger and had some nachos on Saturday night. And Sunday I probably had a few too many pretzels. I just don't believe it was enough to make me GAIN. And that's exactly what happened. I gained a pound.

I am sure you can imagine the scene in my bathroom this morning. Get on the scale. Get off. No way. Get on. And then slowly a blood-curdling scream forms in the pit of my stomach, makes its way slowly up my windpipe and hurls out from the back of my throat. Arrgggghhhhh!!!!!!!! I'm in the 90's again!!!!!! Okay. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. And then . . . I had to get my head together.

I spent the whole day telling myself it would be okay. My head says one thing, my emotions another. And I'm tired. And I get pelted throughout the day with more stresses that I can't control. But here I am, at the end of the day, and I finally have some peace. Pick myself up by the bootstraps and keep on. Stick with it. Stay the course. And it's going to be fine. And thank God for the progress I have made so far. And pray that this time is just a blip. A weird sort of plateau. And I will keep praying. Praying for peace, for relief from the stressors, for strength to deal with them, and for continued success in losing weight. And if you happen to be saying prayers yourself, would you mind putting an extra one out there for me? I could use it.

Peace.

189.2

Dang, I LOVE a good number on the scale in the morning! Oh sure, I wish it had come a week sooner, but it's May 1st and I am below 190. Yahoo! I am thrilled. And I can't wait to keep backing down.

Interesting how certain numbers stick in my mind from when I was gaining weight. 167 and 186 are two big ones. After that it's 204, 211, and then . . . well, you get the picture. So 186 is a huge milestone. It seems to me that I was at that number for quite a while. It also seems to me that I went from 167 to 186 within four months. Pretty scary. And for whatever reason, I feel as though my weight loss will suddenly take on a new level of legitimacy when I get below that number. Silly, I know.

You know what else? I am pretty patient for the most part, but I wish, I wish, I wish the weight would come off sooner. I realize it's coming off pretty fast -- 35 pounds in 4 months. But part of me wants to fast forward to July and be another 20 pounds lighter. I have to really "busta move" to do it, but I want to shoot for 10 pounds of loss in May and 10 pounds in June. I'm going to have to kick it into high gear to do this, but I honestly think it's possible. And I may not be able to wear a bikini like Valeri Bertinelli or the two lovely ladies shown here, but that's never been my goal anyway. I just want to be in a lower range. Hah! Don't we all? :) In the meantime . . .

I walk, walk, walked this morning. 5 miles. I got in a total of 8 miles total today. Then I swam for an hour. Add to that my spectacular less than 1300 calorie day and I am sitting pretty. WITH my legs crossed, I might add. A definite perk when you come from a weight that makes crossing your legs practically impossible.

Tomorrow is suppose to be nice. I am so anxious to get on my bike I can hardly stand it. So maybe this weekend. Walking for sure, maybe a swim too. So if I can keep my eating under control then I am right as rain. Yes I am. Right as rain. Whatever that means. lol.

Well that's my story today gang. Hope you are all skinnier on this lovely Friday than you were a week ago. Hang in there with me. We're getting there. And have a great weekend.

Oscar Mayer Has A Way

. . . with b.o.l.o.g.n.a! I've always loved that little tune. And there are plenty of other little ditties that I love to sing along with. I don't really wish I were an Oscar Mayer wiener, but I love singing about it. All of my favorite foods have the best commercial jingles. Oreo? Oh yea. "O, O, O, ice cold milk and an Oreo cookie. They forever go together in a classic combination." I know it's odd, but some of my favorite commercials are the ones for food! Crazy!

Well, this all comes up after a sloooooowwwww start to the week in terms of my weight loss. I was exercising like gangbusters last week and it put my weight down at 189+. Sadly, I let myself down for the next couple of days and shot right back up again. So I'm steady as she goes at 190.2 -- and hoping to get below 190 and stay there for good by the end of the week.

My overeating right now is an extra large bowl of Cheerios, string cheese, maybe too many pretzels. It's not BAD food. It's just too much of it. Too many calories. Period. But honestly, all day Sunday I just kept thinking, "sometimes a girl's just gotta have a bologna sandwich." I didn't, but boy oh boy did I want to! Or a hot dog. Or something Oscar Mayer! Add to that my lack of motivation to exercise on Sunday and Monday, and it equals ZERO progress. I'm not beating myself up over this. I am disappointed, but not enough to give up. Besides, you know me. I am not exactly Motivated Mindy when it comes to busting my butt doing exercise. If there's an excuse to get out of it, I'm all in. Lol.

So okay - back to the reality today. I made some egg salad and had some of that. Tasty, tasty! And of course my protein shakes, almonds for a snack. I also made some chicken vegetable soup that's reaaaalllly good. So I had that too. And I walked. Twice! Once for an hour with a couple of friends and later by myself for about 40 minutes. Pattin' myself on the back for that one. And of course it pushes me forward to where I need and want to be. And perhaps, just perhaps, I will see results by the end of the week -- which is also the first of May. WOW!!!! May already. I can hardly believe it. The time just flew by. And September 1st is going to come just as fast. So I have to keep working. Stay focused. Move forward.

Today I am just so thankful to God for the grace of how far I've come. I pray for the continued help to keep going. And I pray for all of you -- that you meet any goals you have too. Ya. All of us together. Amen to that, eh??? I'm off to bed. Back again soon . . . .

P.S. Those Oreos up there? I DON"T want those. 56 calories each. Totally fat-filled. YUK! I used to love 'em. Not any more. Just thought you should know! :)

Lucky Me

I'm wondering if I am starting to get a little obsessive about the size of my jeans. Ya think? I don't mean how big they are. We already know they're huge! lol. I'm talking about the size number on the inside of the tag. People keep telling me that the number isn't what counts. Same as the scale. I've been told over and and over that the scale number isn't important. Well, I beg to differ on BOTH of the points. They matter to me. A LOT!

Today I put on a pair of jeans that are size 16. They were very tight. Too tight for me to wear around anyway. And it's the same pair I try on every time I want to see if I've finally hit that magic size. And then I had a scathingly brilliant idea. Try a different pair. So I did. And guess what??? They fit perfectly!!! And so did all of my other 16's. So I'm thinking that the first pair I tried are some bizarre anomaly. Don't know for sure. Don't care. I put them on my pile of 14's for another day.

Okay so I already know I'm old. I'm not interested in trying to dress like some hottie fresh out of college. But I dooooo like jeans. Wear them all the time. They're my first choice -- always. The day I put on a pair of pink twill slacks is the day someone needs to whisk me to the doctor's office for anti-psychotic medication.

I definitely have favorites in brands too. My all-time favorite for both comfort and look are Diesel. You can only get them in a few locations nationwide. N.Y., Chicago, Orlando, LA and Vegas. They are seriously the most comfortable jeans I have ever owned. Sadly, I haven't fit into a pair for at least 5 years. I can't WAIT to go to Vegas and get a pair. By that time I will even be able to pull a size right from the rack. No sales clerk to smirk and sneak a HUGE pair from the store room. Hahaha. Oh yea. That's happened before. Sooo . . . . character building. :)

Coming in a very close second are my Lucky You jeans. Lucky for me, they are super comfortable and there's a fairly decent selection of styles. I don't HAVE to buy the ones that nearly expose my lower . . . uh . . . ab muscles. Yea. Ab muscles. And I bought a pair of white ones just before I gained all this weight. They're a size 12 and I cannot wait until I can wear them. I am really, really hoping to put them on by August. Pretty aggressive, but I want it bad.

I have quite a few size 12's waiting for me. Thankfully they're still in style and I won't feel like the waist band comes up to my ribs. And for those of you still wearing that style, have someone take a picture of your butt. Adds YARDS to it. You think you're wearing Levi's, when you're really wearing Leeeeeeeeeeeeeevi's. Get the picture? Goes for you men out there too, so you can chuckle, chuckle all you want. We're all singing the same song. The only thing that has changed from my years past is that all of the jeans have a name. Every style has it's own - like Madison low rise, or Louvely's, or Ashley Mid-rise. So odd. And I still haven't figured out why they're called a "pair" of jeans when there is only one . . . . . . Puzzling.

Anyway, I am off to fold clothes and sort socks. Hate it, but it has to be done. Then I'll swim, since the weather is rainy and cold here. I know we need the rain badly, but I don't have to like it, right? Besides, it's a day of rest. So I hope all of you get some of that today. And relaxation. And peace.

I'm over and out.