Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Sick & Tired
Greetings friends! I write to you this evening after a long, long day! A long, long summer, for that matter. I have spent the better part of this week getting back on track. Counting calories, out walking. It's been SIX WEEKS of fun and games. Six weeks. And I'm tired. I'm sick. And I'm sick and tired. I'm sick of junky eating. I'm sick of being sedentary. And I'm sick of watching my weight creep, creep, creep back up. And today I was literally sick to my stomach. My mother thinks I'm having withdrawals from sugary, fatty foods. I think she may be right.
Today I was 186.6 pounds. I have gained NINE pounds since the beginning of July. Not good. Not horrible either -- but it would be nice to have kept it off. Not possible this month. Seriously. Not possible. Think I'm exaggerating? Uhh . . . NOT.
Following my trip to the youth conference I was a leader at a camp for cousins that my mother hosts every summer. One morning in the middle of the week I was sitting at the kitchen table. I looked down at my plate of french toast smothered in butter and syrup. I looked up at the platters of bacon and sausage. I glanced to my left at the 5 dozen fried and glazed donuts. I looked to my right and saw a counter top covered with peanut butter, chocolate chip and snickerdoodle cookies, cream cheese brownies, rice krispie bars, little debbie snacks and 10 different varieties of chips. In the fridge was the leftover chinese wontons, rice and chow mein, as well as the refried beans and enchiladas from the day before. I turned to the other counselors and simply said: "This is a food nightmare!!!" I understood in the flash of an eye what 'gluttony' was about, and I was up to my eyeballs in it. This after a day of circus food that included everything and anything fried. Blahhhhhh!!!!!! And did I mention I started drinking coffee again over the course of the summer? Booooo!
I no sooner ended camp and I was off to my reunion. Wine. An automatic 3 pounds every time I drink it. So I jumped from 184 to 187. Of course the Carbone's pizza, one of my personal faves, didn't help either. And I battled that scale number over the next two weeks, topping off at 189 on Sunday of this week. No, no, no, no, no! I refuse to allow that number to get to the 190's. I was there last April! No, no, no! Not happening.
Sooo, I got back to work. Counting calories. And I need to keep at it. I promised you I wouldn't let you down, and I won't. I promise. I have forty+ pounds left to go and I have every intention of losing it. It's gotta go. And I have to keep exercising. I did plenty of walking, but not as part of a regular exercise time that I set aside each day. That little element dropped off and needs to be added back in. But I'm tired and winded and a fatty again. I'm thinking its going to be a couple of weeks before I'm comfortable with long distances. That's true even when I had between 10,000 and 18,000 steps on my pedometer each day. So for right now it's 40 minutes, or about 3 miles. I'll work back up to 6 miles before too long here.
And tonight I lay down my head - tired and sick. Literally. I'm hoping tomorrow will be better and easier. I'll keep you posted. But please pray for me. I need it big time! Peace and blessings to you all.