Working It Out

Summer is crazy. The time gets away from me like no other season. I can' believe that it's the 4th of July next week. Can't believe it!

I've had a really great week, and my weekend wasn't too bad either. My weight stayed pretty steadily in the 170's last week, and I got in lots of exercise. Headed out to a couple of grad parties yesterday, but the food choices were super -- including subway sandwiches and lots of veggies. So I was able to keep the eating a minimum. But apparently, I still had a little too much. Plus, I couldn't get in a workout over the weekend.

Sooooo.... this morning when I woke up I had popped up to 180. I was down to 177.4 on Friday, so I accumulated a little water over the weekend. A little disappointing, to say the least. HOWEVER, I believe that this past 5 weeks, and the four weeks ahead of me, are unusually busy from a social perpective. I have a LOT going on this month too. Lots of company, lots of special events. And because of that, I have decided that I cannot beat myself up if I'm not losing 10 pounds a month. If I lose even 5 each month through this time, I'm still moving forward. Then I can kick it into high gear again in September.

I would love to say that I can keep on like crazy until then, but I know better. I know from these last two months. 5 pounds each. Not much. But together, its 10. And after July, it's 15. And after August, its 20. So HOPEFULLY from May to Labor Day I will have dropped 20 pounds. That's a big number in its own right. That's 175 by August 1 and 170 by September 1. Completely attainable. And I won't lose heart and pitch the whole program for feeling like a failure.

So that's the plan. The new plan. At least for today. lol. If it changes, you'll be the first to know. Hah!

Tomorrow I'm off and running again. I'll try to be better about blogging. I just get tired at the end of the day. Perhaps that means I will have to blog in the mornings. We'll see.

God bless you all. Thanks for hanging in there with me. It's what drives me.

xoxoxoxox

179.2

I love hockey. A subject out of the blue, I know. But I've spent part of my last two days checking kids in at hockey camps and watching Junior A try-out games. And the distraction is good for me. I concentrate on everything EXCEPT food. I love the game. I love to watch it. And the added plus is that I have had a good couple of days as a result this distraction. Great eating habits and high activity levels.

Yesterday was particularly good. I got into the gym and ran 3 miles, walked one, and cycled 3. I didn't intend to work so hard, but once I was in there and got going, I just kept going. I wasn't tired, even if I was sweating like crazy. So I just kept going.

Afterward I treated myself to a massage. My neck and shoulder muscles are always sore. I feel like they've been sore for 3 months. I think it's partly because I don't stretch as well as I should. And even when I do, the ache seems to survive. I don't really mind it so much, but I decided to see if I could get some relief by getting a massage. And it wasn't too terribly different than the one I had in March. "Hellooooo Helga. I'm baaaaack."

So this time I guess my arm muscles were very tight and knotted. Helga worked them and worked them and worked them. Today I have bruises. Honestly! Bruises! I can hardly touch my upper arms. It's almost comical. So I guess I'm going to have to rethink this whole "relaxing massage" thing. It doesn't really work for me, does it? Haha. C'est la vie. Could be much, much worse, right?

The rest of my week is going to be equally busy, but I MISSED the intense exercise. Shocking, but I really missed it. And then I was too busy to get to the gym today -- truly -- but I am really looking forward to it for tomorrow. I actually really WANT to get to it. How weird is that??????

So I'm good. I'm really good. Maybe I'm not serious enough for some people out there, as the comment from my last post suggests. Maybe I'm not losing the weight fast enough. Maybe I'm stuggling. But that is the nature of the beast within. Whether it's eating, smoking, drinking, gossiping, lying, shopping -- all of us have our temptations. All of us have our struggles. Wouldn't life be grand if we could shake our vices from us without any hardship or struggle? But that's not reality. And set-backs are not the equivalent of failure. In my experience, success is heightened by the amount of struggles we overcome in order to achieve it. The harder the fight, the sweeter the victory. NO ONE wants to watch a game whose score is 10 to zero -- not even the winners. EVERYONE wants to see the game that goes into double overtime. Those are the best struggles. The ones we win in spite of the adversity. In spite of the set-backs. Those are the "wins" that settle into our bones and become part of our character. And that's what I want for myself.

So to you, my anonymous poster, I say this: I'm sorry I have disappointed you. But you have disappointed me, too.

That's it. I'm off to bed friends. Sleep tight. God Bless you all. And I'll report back as soon as I can.

Sliding Backward

From the beginning, I have been determined not to slide backwards. I don't want this little "cartoon" to be me. And I don't want to stop dead in my tracks. I want to keep moving forward toward my goal.

My last month has been a constant and ongoing struggle to stay on track. I don't really understand why. I have a renewed hunger and a renewed lazy streak. I can't get myself motivated to get out and get exercise. I haven't done anything for a week. Bad, bad, bad.

I have to dig deep into myself and find the spark I had in January. Obviously being super-obese was a great motivator. But I am definitely not "thin" yet. Not by anyone's standards. I wish understood this "stall" in my program. I don't. I want to keep on. I just seem to be failing miserably right now. And until today I didn't have a plan to snap myself out of it. But I have given it a lot of thought. And I have decided to get to my basics again. Counting calories. I have to count calories. Exactly. Every day.

I have allowed myself 1200 calories each day since January 2. I guess around February I popped it up and gave myself up to 1350, but generally tried to shoot for 1200. I think it's time to drop that number. I need to shake myself up. And I need a change. So that's what it's going to be. I'm going to drop my calorie intake to 1000 daily. A little low, but my current inactivity calls for more drastic food measures. So that will be my new daily regimen.

I also need to get moving again. And tomorrow is a new day. A day for that. And I plan to.

A little depressing today. Sorry about that. It is what it is. Hopefully I will me more chipper as I begin to experience success and forward movement again. I haven't fallen too far off -- I'm at 181.6. But that's not acceptable. Not when I saw those 7's. And I will again. Soon. I can't stop now. I just can't.

I'm going to bed before I give in to temptation and eat. So nighty night. Peace to you all. And may the saints be with you too. . .

Nobody Does It Better

I'm talking about fish. Deep fried. Beer-battered. And nobody does beer-battered, deep fried fish better than my friend R.B. And his daughter graduated this year, so they had a grad party. But there was NO WAY my friend could get away with any other fare, so that' s what it was.

Of all of the graduation parties and other events I have attended, I knew this was going to be the toughest. I saved up a BUNCH of my calories over a couple of days so that I could indulge in this fish. And I did. And it was absolutely fabulous, mouth-watering, and worth every single stinkin' calorie it contained. I had two pieces. Seriously. Totally worth it. Every other time I have given in to a whim or indulgence, I have walked away dissatisfied. Not today, my friends. Not today. He he he he. Yum, yum!

Which leads me to tell you that one of the most amazing lessons I have learned on this journey has been to stop. Just stop. Every time you eat or want to. Stop, stop, stop. Think, think, think. WHY am I hungry? WHEN did I eat last? HOW many calories have I eaten so far today? WHICH foods should I eat?

And that's not all. I can't tell you how many times over these months that I have started eating something and I realize it doesn't taste very good. Again, I stop. Throw it away. I don't finish it. Done. I realize that's a bit of a waste, but I refuse to waste calories on food that doesn't taste good. I want to love what I'm eating. And if I don't, forget it. I'm not going to finish it. It's a great habit to get into, and forces me to give greater thought to what I'm putting in my mouth.

I did okay at the party. Had a little too many calories later, but I am still okay. I've had a pretty good few days. If I can hold out through the wedding tomorrow I'll be in great shape. For calories anyway. Struggling with my exercise. Feeling lazy and unmotivated. My morning walking partner has a serious injury. Something called anterior tibula tendinitis - a big deal. So she is out for a while. And I have to believe God is forcing my hand and making me self-reliant. Again. So I'm going to try and get busy. Tomorrow is probably out because the wedding and travel time will eat up my whole day, but Monday is the beginning of a new week. I just have to do it.

So tonight as I lay my head down, I just say "Thank you Lord, for the progress I have made. Thanks for the great fish today, too. And Lord, I just ask you to please stand by me, smack me with your staff to keep me on track with my weight loss program, because I'm really just a stupid sheep. :) Thanks Lord. I trust you. I know you hear me. And I know you want me to be healthy. So thanks."

179.8

I am sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. I didn't even REALIZE how much time had passed since I blogged last. I was shocked when I got on tonight and saw it was last Saturday. I promise I will be more attentive. I don't even know what happened.

My week was crazy busy, but I stayed steady-on. I am so happy I did. It was really worth the pain. I am in the SEVENTIES!!!! Did you see that? This morning I got on the scale and had no expectation of any change. I thought I was going to hang right around that 182 mark. Not because I over-ate. In fact, for no reason at all, other than I have become accustomed to those 80's (which one of my anonymous commenters definitely pegged me on!). I about died when I saw the 7. Nearly fainted dead away. (I've always wanted to use that expression. The chance doesn't come up too often.) But I didn't faint, which is good because I would have cracked my head open or something. :)

I got back on track in a big way this week. It didn't start that way. I went to a graduation party Saturday that was serving hot dogs. Bad, bad, bad. I ate two! With a bun! And I sampled the bars. Four times. And I had wine. Several glasses. NOT a good thing. Obviously. So Monday rolled around and I had another case of the "glues." That's when your fat is stuck to you like glue and never plans to come off because you keep feeding the monster that makes it grow and dimple and look so attractive under your skin. Yep. The glues.

And then I turned it all around. I have to tell you that this is mostly due to my mother. The woman never swears. You knew you were in big trouble as a kid if she said "goll dammit." So I laughed and chuckled to myself for nearly an hour after I talked to her on the phone Monday afternoon and she said: "Now, you get back on that damn diet!" Okay. I will. Okay? And I did. I always listen to my mother. Hahaha. And she's always right. And I'm in the 70's to prove it!!!

Still getting in the walks, but have added a bit of running. Ran about 2 miles last Sunday. And again tonight. I was kinda tired though, so I ran 1.5 miles and walked 1 mile. Then I cycled for five, so I got in a pretty good hour. I was sweating it up good. Must've been pretty red too, because I got "the look" from another runner. You know? The one that wonders if you are about to have a heart attack and fly off the back of it? Ya, that one. Oh welllllllll.

AND! And, and, and! The ice is going back in at the rink this week. I'm going to be able to skate again by next Wednesday. I am very excited about that! Yes I am. Burns TONS of calories. Tons.

So, that's the scoopage. I'm not quite finished with all of the summer events and revelry yet. Have 3 graduation parties and a wedding this weekend. But I am very motivated right now, and can't wait to get into lower 70's. It's like how I felt when I hit the 90's. The further I got from 200 the happier I was. Not sure why that's true in the 70's but it is. I'm more motivated than I've been in a long time. So you all must be praying for me. Don't stop! He's listening!

I'm over and out here. Have to make one more trip out tonight and I am wiped! Thank you, thank you for supporting me. Thanks for the hits and checking. I'm good. And getting better. We all are. Goodnight friends. Sleep well.

P.S. to my the first anonymous blogger from my last post -- VERY interesting analogy. And it raises interesting possibilities about my body response to sugar. I'm going to play Inspector Clouseau on that . . . so gracias!

181.6

Whew!!! What a week!!! I was starting to think I was never going to be able to crawl out of that barrel I had crawled in. But alas, I emerged. Just in time for the weekend. Just in time for graduation parties and a wedding shower. All that good food. None of it low-cal. I'm going to have to eat before every one of them if I ever want to see the 170's. But in spite of the food issues, summer parties can be an endless source of fun and entertainment. Not to mention a learning experience. Like what to do when there is no table available to set down your drink. As long as you have a straw, you don't really have to move when you want another sip! Toooo funny!

So anywhooo, I started my week at a high number, but kind of thought it was easy, quick-on/quick-off water weight. Boy was I wrong. I took off 1/2 pound, then another, but it hung on for dear life. I was pretty surprised, but it was a great wake up call too. You just can't mess around with your metabolism like that. And let me tell you, from an emotional standpoint it is NOT worth the aggravation.

There was a huuuuuge UPside to my week though. My sister came to visit this week. She is a shopper, that one. Has impeccable taste. I always tell people that I go "shopping in my sister's closet" because she has great clothes and lots of extras. Hah! Anyway, she brought along a box of pants for me. Capris, jeans, slacks. Cute stuff!!! ALL size -- da, da, da, da -- 14! We had a "try it on" marathon. I was completely bowled over. THEY FIT!!!! Okay, well MOST of them fit. A few need a few-to-five pounds and then they will, but the majority fit and fit well. I was shocked. I don't really understand what happened. I sort of skipped right by the 16's and went to the 14's. Ecstatic. That's what I was. And I showered up and put on a pair of my shiny new 14 jeans and headed out to a friend's for dinner.

Now I don't really think pride is such a good thing. I actually think it can be quite harmful to ones self and to others. But right now I am pretty proud of myself. Self-satisfied, but not smug. And today I put on yet another pair of these fancy new jeans - a pair with sparkly pockets. I stood in front of the mirror for 10 minutes. I had grown so accustomed to bumps and humps and rolls I didn't recognize my own figure. When did THAT happen????? OH! And my mom sent me two pictures - a "before and after." LOOOOOVED seeing those. There I was - the old me. Almost 50 pounds lighter than I was at Christmas. What a great feeling. So much better than a piece of banana cream cheese cake. . . . I think. Hahaha.

So me and my sparkly butt are off to graduation parties. Pray that I can govern my food intake a little better this weekend. God bless and stay safe!!!

Ow -wow- ow

Hello, hello, hello! I know I've been MIA, and I'm sorry about that. There are not enough hours in the day lately to fit in everything I want to do. I'm up by 6:20 every morning and basically FALL into bed at night. Then it's deep REM - at least until I have to get up and go to the bathroom, anyway. Haha!

My exercise has become an ESSENTIAL element in my day, but I have worked so doggone hard with other stuff this week, my muscles are dead tonight. I could hardly walk by the end of the day today. Not kidding. Hardly walk. I planted flowers yesterday and cleaned out all of my gardens. I think I did no short of 1,000 squats, and I am here to tell you that my hamstrings and glutes are killing me. Seriously. Killing me. The day before I cleaned my garage and my yard. And on top of these massive tasks, I walked my usual 4-6 miles. Yea. Dead.

Unfortunately for me, I had a horrible, horrible food weekend. That would be what I call the "graduation fare." Nothing low-cal but fruit and/or veggies. The rest is yummy, but fattening. And then I went out to dinner on Sunday night and drank wine. A bunch. So by Monday morning my weight had popped back up to 185. A complete waste of two weeks of hard work.

So I tried to get my eating back on track right away on Monday. I am finding that as my weight drops, the struggle to stay under my daily calorie budget is tougher. My daily budget is 27 x my current weight. That's what I can eat in calories if I want to lose 2 pounds a week. So right now I'm at about 1200 - which is of course what I have been eating since the beginning. So why is it harder than it was the first 6 months? I don't know. I don't have an answer. I seem to be hungry MUCH more than I was in those first months. I'm sure it's partly because I am more active, but that doesn't seem to be enough of a reason. So if someone out there understands this, let me know.

In the meantime, I am going to keep plugging away at it. Fight the good fight. And this morning I had dropped to 183.8 again. Not 181.8, but not 185 either. So yay me! Progress is progress. Even if it means coming out of a backslide.

So that's my scoop today. Not the most fabulous update, but not the worst either. I'll take it. I can handle it. :) So I am off to bed now. Hungry, but not planning any late night binge. Gotta stay the course. You all too. God love y'all. Cuz I know I do! I promise I'll be back soon! Saaamooooch!