Wednesday, February 4, 2009

I Spy With My Little Eye

Sometimes it's amazing how we can be so blind to the certain things in our lives that we just don't want to see. I was talking to someone today about how long it took me to see myself -- really see myself -- for how BIG I had become. Truly. My eyes refused to see what was happening to my body these last few years. Did I mention that it took a mere 3 years to add 70 pounds to my physique? Yep. Not long at all. And I knew it was happening. Obviously. I felt it in my bones, my back, my checkbook. New pounds meant I needed new clothes. Up, up and away!

And it was HORRIBLE getting bigger. I was terribly embarrassed. I hated going anywhere because I had grown so big so quickly, and I just kept adding. So I knew it, but played some whacked out mind game that didn't let me see just how big I looked. And I couldn't seem to get my head around what was happening or why. Nor can I really pinpoint what made me open my eyes. Something snapped, but not in a profound, climactic moment. It just seemed to happen. Like someone raising the shade on a window. One day I just "saw" what I looked like and knew it was time to change.

But I can tell you this much - it feels a lot different going the opposite direction. It's easier to cope with large sizes because I know that I won't be in them for much longer. And I am grateful, really grateful, for getting back some of the things I didn't even know I missed. Sitting like a pretzel, for instance. I haven't been able to to that for 13 pounds. I can FINALLY sit like a pretzel again. Not for a long time, mind you. The stuff inside my legs that is not muscle has no where to go, so it can be uncomfortable after a bit. But at least I can do it! OH!!! And praying? Well -- and let me just apologize in advance to members of the male persuasion who are reading along -- praying is getting back to normal too! For a while there my folded hands rested on . . . well. . . let's just say my front end was so big I was praying to myself. My folded hands now point to heaven again instead of my chin. As it should be. lol.

These may not seem like a big deal, but they matter to me. And each is a great victory. I plan to have a lot more of them too. But don't worry, I'll share. :)

It's been a long day. Good for calories, no workout. Tomorrow I'll get it done. For tonight, I'm "steady as she goes." Hurray! I'm off. Nighty night.

P.S. to Yesterday's Anonymous: WOW!!!! That was a really good one!!! Thanks.

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