Tuesday, April 21, 2009


Well that's it. I have managed to stay the same weight for one full week. I imagine it must be a longer - by a few days at least. I hate that. Hate it, hate it, hate it. Oh sure, I know it's my own fault. But that doesn't change how much I hate it.

So here's the deal: I didn't abandon you for a week. I have a good excuse for being gone so long. And for the unchanging weight. I lost my Grandma last Thursday night. I am not going to load you up with all sorts of details. I'm simply going to say that losing her, coupled with an excruciating migraine headache on Saturday, kept me from exercising and from healthy eating for four days. Bugger!

What is it about emotions that makes us overeat? Why does anger, depression, sorrow, loneliness --- name your affliction -- give us "permission" to binge? It's so odd. I wish I understood the connection between feelings and food. And to think I used to believe I wasn't an emotional eater. Ah . . . wrong!!! I'm a joke when it comes to sudden and unexpected emotions. I get specific cravings. High calorie ones. And that's the interesting part. I don't experience hunger. I experience a desire for a specific taste in my mouth, like chocolate or other sugary treats, macaroni and cheese, deep dish pizza. It has absolutely nothing to do with being hungry.

So yesterday I was driving back from the funeral. My first mistake was putting left-over food in my trunk. My second was stopping my car. But that was the emotional part. I pulled over at a rest area to get rid of the tears that had plagued me the whole weekend. Next thing I know the trunk is open, food is out. I'm sitting in the driver's seat with tears streaming down my face eating 7 layer bars and BBQ potato chips. lol. Thank God the Rest Area was empty. I am quite sure some good Samaritan would have knocked on my window to ask if I was okay. Yup. Unfortunately though, that little food fest caused a spike in my blood sugar later, and I continued to indulge myself.

It would be one thing if I finished all of this overeating and felt great. But I don't. Ever. I always feel worse. And puffy. And bloated, because I didn't drink the water I needed to in order to flush it out. Ugh! It's torture. Self-inflicted. BUT, until I can stop any unexpected emotional trauma in my life, I have to just work through it and plow ahead. So although I suffered through a bit of withdrawal today, I am back on my proverbial horse. I ate pretty well, got in the pool tonight, and I am walking first thing tomorrow morning. So maybe my weight will be down a bit by Friday. We shall see.

In the meantime, I thank God for the food that I DO eat. I am not starving. I am not struggling to put food on my table. And I am grateful for that and all the other gifts He gives me. Tonight I will sleep well knowing that tomorrow is a new day and a new beginning. And I'll take it.

Sleep well all. God bless.

1 comment:

  1. "What is it about emotions that makes us overeat?" I'll give you my take on it. Watch what moms do with kids who are crying. We give them a treat to make them feel better. Got an owie? Here's a cookie. Rough day? Here, let me make your favorite meal for you. Feeling down? Let's go to Dairy Queen! Getting the picture. From a VERY young age, we are conditioned to believe that food will make us feel better. And physiologically, it does. Give yourself a sugar/carb boost, and you are soaring -- that is, until you crash! But by then, we aren't associating the crash with the food. But sure as heck, we know if we feed ourselves, the mood goes back up. Hang in there. Tomorrow WILL come.